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Posts Tagged ‘Healing’

In the Goo

Posted in Grief, Healing, Transformation, tagged , , , on April 2, 2010| 1 Comment »

When I was first reeling from the news of Mike’s death, the image that came to mind was of turning into goo – just like a caterpillar does.  It deconstructs in the cocoon and melts into goo.  The imaginal cells then move into action to reform the goo into a butterfly.  I was pushed into the goo.  I feel like I am still in the goo now.  Sometimes I feel like I have an inkling of what’s next, that my imagination, my imaginal cells are creating something new.  It’s not yet clear, it’s still mostly goo.

A few weeks later, a second image came to mind . . . I was flattened like Bozo the Clown.  When I was a child, we had a blow-up punching bag of Bozo the Clown.  You could punch it to the ground, and it would right itself because of the weighted bottom.  I feel like I was punched to the ground.  There are times when it seems I am righting myself, and other times when I am flattened again.  Bozo always came back to standing up and I know I will, too.

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Connecting Through the Veil

Posted in Connection, Healing, tagged , , on March 12, 2010| 1 Comment »

I had a few very clear instances of Mike’s presence – of reaching through the veil to me.  Within the first few days after his death, there was a message on my cell phone – a whispered, “I love you”.  It had to be Mike.  I’ve read about these occurrences. 

The top of the dresser in our master bedroom is filled with family photos and other special objects. Next to Mike’s photo, I placed the small flat metal heart I had given him right after we were married  – and that he carried every day in his pocket with his change.  On one side is engraved, Love Flows Through Me, and on the other side, Love Surrounds Me. When I looked the next day, I discovered the heart had moved.  Guess who?

A few weeks after Mike’s death, I went upstairs to the bedroom and found the room filled with the strong smell of coffee.  There was no coffee being made downstairs in the kitchen.  I knew it was Mike.  He had coffee every morning. 

I recommend reading the book, Hello from Heaven, by Bill & Judy Guggenheim.  It helped validate for me the after-death communications I had from Mike were not unusual.

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Appreciating the Ordinary

Posted in Healing, tagged , , , , on March 3, 2010| Leave a Comment »

It is a bummer that Mike took off his earth suit so soon. In some ways, I thought we were just getting started on our life together.  We’d been married for just 4 and a half years.  I could see how we were both sanding off the bumps and corners of each other as we evolved our life together.  I do know that in pushing the eject button on his earth suit, Mike realized a more expansive sense of who he is – that Love Life essence that never changes. 

Over the past few months prior to Mike’s transition, I had been noticing and appreciating the ordinariness of our relationship – the everyday little things.  Just having Mike at home – whether he was napping or reading,  or cooking together, or watching a movie together with our daughter.  We loved dinner and a movie at home or going out.  We loved to cook and entertain our friends.  It was fun to plan what we were each going to make.  I do have to mention his amazing lobster bisque.  One sip and I wanted to marry him.  Thank goodness this is one recipe that IS written down.  I am grateful that I was noticing and appreciating the ordinary gems in our relationship.  I do miss both of us cooking in the kitchen together – it is what our remodeled kitchen was designed for.  I miss the we.

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Erasing the Blackboard

Posted in surrender, tagged , , , on February 20, 2010| 1 Comment »

All the plans – such as gatherings with friends, the dreams – retiring to Hawaii, the trips we were planning – to visit Mike’s sister and husband in the UK and at their house in France, to visit NYC which Mike had never been to – even though he’d lived or traveled in over 49 countries.  All these and many more desires that we had talked about . . . I now am erasing from the blackboard.  Those plans don’t apply now.  Well, some do – I will still go visit friends in NYC, and visit his sister & husband in the UK and France – just not with Mike.  We talked about going to Esalen Institute in Big Sur – he had been and said it was so wonderful.  Maybe I will go . . . and, it will be different without him.

In the book, Spiritual Liberation, by Michael Beckwith, he says:  “Surrender is a bold spiritual stance, the stance of a spiritual warrior, because what we are surrendering to is the next stage of our evolution.”  I am surrendering to a new next stage of my evolution, wiping the blackboard clean to start again.

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Going Deeper

Posted in Grief, tagged , , , , on January 27, 2010| 1 Comment »

Reading about grief in Emotional Genius, by Karla McLaren affirms what my spiritual and intellectual quadrants know without a doubt – that Mike knows himself to be expansive Love and Light – and consciousness.  Who he is has not changed, except he has taken off his earth suit.

And . . .  I must dive deep into my body and emotional quadrants.  To cry the tears that release the stuckness of shock.   To dive into the depths of the sorrow – to the sacred connections with our ancestors, loved ones and all of Life.  To “connect to the healing energies inside grief ” – and immerse myself in the waters of my emotions.  The body knows about grief and what to do.  I am listening.

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Flowers

Posted in Healing, tagged , , , , on January 21, 2010| 2 Comments »

I’ve always wondered why flowers are sent to the family of the deceased. Now I have a different understanding of why this is a tradition and a way to express condolences.

Flowers are alive, fresh.  A reminder of life.  Flowers also have powerful emotional and spiritual healing properties.  The floral arrangements I received were a reminder of the love and support of those that sent them to me – every time I looked at them and appreciated their beauty.

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